Visited Mum's grave yesterday. It felt like I was finally saying "goodbye". Moving out of home and watching Dad with Amy has (albeit painfully) made me realise how much I need to let go of the past. I'd been spending so much time encouraging Dad to move on that I hadn't realised how much I needed to. And although I regret never having the relationship with Mum that she wanted, in a strange way, I feel like I can begin to talk to her at last. It's peaceful at her grave. No domestic drama. Just me and her.
Lucas is going travelling with Lotus. I was so jealous when he told me! Wanted to go with them. Not sure I'm ready to move in with Tayeska. I don't think I know her well enough, for a start - I haven't even seen her flat! And, if I'm honest, nor am I ready. I'm 22 - what am I doing settling down? Things have changed so much for me recently that I think I need some time and space of my own.
I need to tell her.
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